xannescribbles

In 10 years, I'll be 34, and I have two possibilities in mind as to where I'd like myself to be. One. I'd like to be in a spacious home with white walls and windows adorned with white lace curtains. It's morning, and the entire house is filled with calming sunlight. I specifically love the kitchen because I spent hours studying and cooking, trying to come up with the best dishes for my kids and the love of my life (yaaaz). Though a hands-on mom, I have my own "art space" where I do all things creative. I am a blogger, illustrator, and occasionally, a motivational speaker for women. In the living room, we keep this black Yamaha grand piano. It'll be a family "tradition" to gather in the evening, pray together, and sing some worship songs before going to bed. I'm sure I'll be playing the acoustic guitar. But then, if not... Two. I'd like to be in my own home, enjoying a cup of hot chocolate while reading a really good book. It's Sat...

May mga araw na minsan iniisip ko kung totoo bang nangyari ang lahat nang 'yon. Ang mga tawang itinawa. Ang mga kuwento. Ang sabay na pagtingala sa langit na puno ng mga bituin. Ang mga kantang inawit. Ang lamig ng hangin. Ang mga lugar na pinuntahan. Ang mga emosyong naramdaman. Kung gaano kabilis dumating, ganoon din kabilis nawala. Mabilis, pero dahan-dahan. Parang natutunaw na yelo o nauupos na kandila. Hindi ko matanggal sa isipan ko ang mga alaalang inukit niya. Ilang buwan na ang nakalipas ngunit ramdam pa rin sa puso ang sakit na parang kahapon lang ito nangyari. Hindi madaling kalimutan ang lahat. Hindi madaling ibalik ang tiwala. Hindi madaling magpatawad. Pero kung may karapat dapat ipaglaban sa mundong ito, 'yun ay pag-ibig. Kaya parati itong pipiliin. Alam kong sa pagdaan ng panahon, kasabay ng paulit-ulit na 'pagsuko nito sa Kanya na kontrolado ang mga bagay na hindi ko kontrolado, makakaraos din tayo. Gagaling din 'tong mga sugat. Umiiyak pa rin paminsan-...

Nothing beats the view of fresh green trees aligned together. It was as if nature presented them to me one by one as I gazed at them with my marveling eyes through our bus window. When I found out that this year’s Leaders’ Camp would be held again in Caliraya, I somehow prepared myself for what I would see. It was my first time joining the camp, so before this, I had heard tons of stories from my friends who had attended it the previous year, from their buffet experiences to astounding testimonies, revelations, and breakthroughs. I’ve had my imagination rolling since then. My heart never missed a thing. It went on with me excited, ignited, and expectant. Right at that moment, inside the bus, with all those glowing emotions, I thought I was okay. In fact, I thought I was doing great. But then there are too many things that are hidden behind the curtain. PRELUDE For three days and two nights, realizations came pouring all over the place from the tiniest detail down to the most general id...

So, graduating feels like this, huh? Fifteen years ago, I marched into this toy-filled room with kids just my age jumping around. They were definitely enjoying the first day of class. On the other side of the room were kids crying, pleading for their mommies not to leave them behind. Obviously, their view of this new environment was entirely opposite to what the “jumping kids” had in mind. Apart from the room’s description, I could not remember much of the details of my first day in kindergarten, so to make this post a little longer, I got up from the computer screen and asked my mom (who was currently cooking our lunch) how I was that day. Drawing from her sharp memory, she said that while the other kids from both extremes were making the room kind of chaotic, I was just there sitting quietly. I tried to remember what I was thinking at that particular moment, but I could not dig any deeper. Perhaps I was nervous or overwhelmed or shocked? After that, I could not recall how many times ...

Saglit ah, I’m gathering my thoughts. Paano ko ba ‘to i-eexplain? Ah, alam ko na. Naubos ‘yong tinta ng bolpen po. WALANG FOREVER Naubusan ka ng bala ng stapler sa photocopying shop. WALANG FOREVER Hindi mo naabutan ‘yong last trip ng LRT. WALANG FOREVER Naabutan ka ng ulan, wala kang payong. WALANG FOREVER Lahat ng kapangitan ng buhay kinakabitan mo ng salitang Walang Forever. Kasi uso. Paano kaya kung naging tao ang “Forever”? Malamang ang taas ng suicidal tendency ‘non, maraming tumutuligsa sa kanya eh. Sinisisi siya sa mga bagay-bagay na hindi niya naman kasalanan. Sikat nga , ‘di naman pinaniniwalaan. Bilang isang taong naniniwala sa walang hanggan, nakakalungkot isipin na ‘yong isang bagay na alam mong totoo eh isinusuka mismo ng lipunang kinabibilangan mo. Gusto ko lang sabihin na walang inferiority complex ang Forever. Hindi rin ‘yan naiintimidate sa lakas ng sigaw mo laban sa kanya. Minsan kasi nagmamagaling tayo, hindi niya tuloy nagagawa ‘yong gusto niyang gawin para sa love...